Have you ever looked at your life in its current state and compared it to what it “should be” and realized that the difference was so overwhelming that it made you feel absolutely hopeless?

I had a moment like that last night, actually a few moments.  I was thinking about the kind of leader, husband, father, friend, pastor, son, brother, neighbor, etc that I’m “supposed” to be and I felt like what I was supposed to be and what I really have been or am now just don’t seem to match up.  Honestly it was a pretty hopeless feeling.

I actually found myself crying, and saying out loud “God I can’t.”  Not an “I can’t” as in “I don’t want to” but an “I can’t” because “I just don’t seem to know how to get it right.”  (Man, even as I sit here and remember the desperation I felt last night my palms begin to sweat, tears well up in my eyes, and hopelessness seems to be staring back at me through the monitor screen.)

But here’s what happened next. . .

It wasn’t audible.  There was no thunder, lightning or earthquakes.  But God spoke something into my heart, and I literally felt it rise up to my brain, like a well spring of hope, “I know you can’t, but I CAN.”

God absolutely knows all of my weaknesses, my failures, my incapabilities.  He knows how I’ve blown it with my wife, my girls, my best friend.  He knows the stupid mistakes I’ve made and the wrong choices I’ve chosen.  He knows all of that, and He loves me in spite of all of that.

Here’s the thing, when I become fully aware of the “I can’t(s)” in my life, I clearly see how desperate I am to have Him at work in my life.  If He doesn’t help me be a good leader, a good husband, a good father, and a good friend, then I’m up the proverbial creek without a paddle.    If I got it right all of the time, any of the time, I would tend to start thinking better of myself than I really am.  That would lead to me being less dependent upon Him, and creating a false self reliance that would only lead to failure once again.

I guess that’s why Paul said he boasted in his weaknesses, in his “I can’t(s)” because they simply point to God’s “I can’s.”

I don’t know if this makes sense to you, but I just had to journal this today if for no other reason but for myself.  I want to circle this day,  as a red letter day.  A day in which I begin living every other day reminded that in spite of all of my “I can’t(s)”  He Can.

May you be reminded of the same.